Abbott in London: "Its good to be home". Abbott offers to meet diggers at exclusive Carlton Club

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(Free-Press-Release.com) October 5, 2010 -- London.

Opposition leader Tony Abbott has moved to disarm critics of his rejection of an invitation from the Prime Minister to visit Australian soldiers in Afghanistan by offering instead to meet them at London’s exclusive Carlton Club.

Less than a week after backing calls for an increase in Australia’s military commitment to Afghanistan Abbott rebuffed Gillard’s call for a bipartisan gesture of support for the troops.

He told journalists he refused the invitation so that he could arrive in London time to butter new British PM David Cameron’s Monday morning toast.

He also admitted that he wanted to avoid meeting senior Conservative Party officials in an unkempt and dishevelled state.

“Obviously one doesn’t want to arrive in Great Britain looking and smelling like an asylum seeker,” said Abbott.

Speaking exclusively to Vote Smart Abbott defended his itinerary by saying that Afghanistan was a “shit hole”.

“Its dusty, the military compounds smell like cabbage and urine, and both Kevin Andrews and Cory Bernardi told me its full of mad foreigners,” he said.

“I am the alternative Prime Minister. My job is to send people off to face possible death. My job is to exaggerate and distort the nature of the threat we confront. My job is to extract political mileage by jingoistic celebrations of the bravery of those I dispatch to war. Nowhere in my job description does it say I should mix with these people outside an election campaign, especially if there is a risk I could be exposed to sabre wielding Hindus and Hottentots.”

“And I will stop the boats,” he added.

Abbott expressed surprise that his decision not to join the Prime Minister in Afghanistan had generated a criticism at home.

“Naturally I assumed Australian voters would have wanted me to tell the British government that I will stop the boats.”

But he also offered to compromise by agreeing to meet a maximum of four soldiers during his stay in Britain.

“If there are four Australian soldiers in Afghanistan who have a few days leave up their sleeves, who are willing to fund their own travel to London, and who will guarantee not to come by boat, then of course I’ll meet them and pass on the support and best wishes of the Opposition,” said Abbott.

However Abbott conceded that his full itinerary means that he will only be able to spare 15 minutes and that the proposed meeting must take place in the car park at the rear of the exclusive members only Carlton Club located on the up-market St. James Street near Buckingham Palace.

“Obviously they wont be allowed in, we don’t let their types mix with members of the aristocracy. But if the soldiers dress appropriately, bathe and shave and act discretely, agree not to bring any Hottentots, and wait quietly behind the rubbish bins, then I’ll pop out and have a quick chat.”

Abbott arrived in London early Monday morning, travelling straight to Downing Street where he woke British Prime Minister David Cameron, laid out his clothes, bathed him, shaved him, helped him dress, and then spent the next two days cooking and cleaning.

On Wednesday he is due to mow the lawns, trim the hedges, and repair loose roofing tiles at Cameron’s family home in Oxfordshire.

On Thursday Abbott will make his only appearance at the annual Conservative Party conference where he has secured a position as a voluntary hors d'ouvres waiter.

However in a coup for the Opposition Leader it was announced yesterday that he has been invited to escort former Prime Minister Baroness Thatcher after she delivers a 30-second address to conference delegates.

Abbott will drive the winch that will lower the 106-year-old Thatcher back into the vat of formaldehyde that is her home between Party conferences.

Abbott said he was looking forward to telling Baroness Thatcher that he will stop the boats.

On Friday Abbott will seek to further enhance his appeal among young people by joining a group of Young Tories as they drive through south London yelling “Go Home!” at Muslims and Afro-Caribbean people.

The Leader of the Opposition will conclude his trip on Saturday by lunching with former Liberal Prime Minister John Howard and his wife Jeanette who have been camped outside Buckingham Palace since May last year.

Abbott said that the Howards, who parked a second hand caravan on the traffic island opposite the palace gates following rumours that the Queen was considering a knighthood for the former PM, were making a remarkable contribution to Australia’s international reputation by providing, “a daily reminder to Her Majesty that Australians are ever ready to place loyalty to Britain before their own selfish needs.”

For further information: truthwright@votesmart.com.au.

More information can be found online at http://www.votesmart.com.au

afghanistan war     Asylum seekers     australian politics     david cameron     john Howard     Margaret Thatcher     Tony Abbott