Abbott offers to 'go commando' to defeat terrorists. Abbott claims heroics thwarted by ALP and Muslims.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(Free-Press-Release.com) October 10, 2010 -- Sydney, Australia.

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott has lashed out at the ALP and Muslim Australians for thwarting his attempt to lead a final assault against enemy forces in Afghanistan.

Abbott, who made a 95-minute stopover on his way home after spending a week in Britain as new leader David Cameron’s butler, visited Australian troops in Tarin Kowt where he offered to lead a commando raid to “wipe out those terrorist bastards and stop the boats once and for all.”

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Abbott offers to 'go commando' to defeat terrorists. Abbott claims heroics thwarted by ALP and Muslims.

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Emerging from the back of the RAAF C-130 transport plane wearing a pair of Speedos and surf life saving cap and accompanied by the 100-strong Young Liberals massed Pipe Band playing “the Charge of the Light Brigade”, Abbott said he deliberately wanted to keep his visit low key as a mark of respect to Australian soldiers.

“The men and women of Australia’s fighting forces are sick and tired of being used as props in photo-shoots and media grabs by self-serving politicians,” said Abbott sitting atop a human pyramid formed by members of the 6th Royal Australian Regiment.

After climbing onto a M198 howitzer and sitting astride the eleven meter cannon, from where he entertained troops with a rendition of the Cher hit “If I could turn back time”, Abbott told troops that he wanted to lead them into battle against the Taliban but had been denied the opportunity by military commanders.

Abbott blamed the government and Muslims for the decision by the Chief of the Defence Forces Air Chief Marshall Angus Houston to deny his request.

“Through my bravery, dedication, innate leadership skills and refusal to allow self-interest to shape my efforts, I could have led us all to final victory this afternoon. But this ultimate triumph has been denied us by Julia Gillard and her Muslim mates.”

“I think that all Australians can see through the veneer of concern that Gillard and Australian Muslims have for the welfare of Australian troops,” said Abbott.

“If they really cared they would be here, along side me, with a gun in hand and ammunition belts draped around their necks and not sitting around at home drinking apple tea and eating Turkish Delight,” Abbott told assembled media.

The Opposition Leader also pointed an accusatory finger at the Treasury and private auditing firms, saying that their costing of the Coalition’s list of promises during the August federal election had “played right into the hands of the terrorists and put Aussie lives at risk.”

Climbing down from the Howitzer after hearing the distant sound of gunfire, Abbott retreated into the mess tent where he stood on a table, re-arranged the seating so that News Limited journalists were located at the front of the room, and with cameras rolling repeated his offer to lead the soldiers into battle.

Tearing off his shirt and throwing it to the ground he was handed a cricket bat by an aid before calling for volunteers willing to march with him across no-man’s land and into the Taliban camps where “we will teach these infidels a lesson!”

Abbott’s call to arms was met with silence from the crowd but the Opposition Leader vowed to return during the next election campaign with other members of the Opposition who he promised would be eager to bludgeon some foreigners.

Abbott also said that he would send his deputy Joe Hockey to Afghanistan to personally carry the next coffin back to Australia.

“Joe’s a big strong bloke, he’s walked the Kokoda Track, which is more than Julia Gillard and her Muslim union mates have done,” he told reporters as he ran across the deserted airfield in a zigzag pattern and rolled up the ramp and back into the back of the aircraft that would take him back to the nearest First Class QANTAS Chairman's Lounge and his flight home.

“So I don’t think 11,000 kilometre trip will pose a problem for the big fella, especially when he learns of the photo opportunities it will present!”

Abbott said that the Coalition was committed to the war in Afghanistan and would fight to ensure that Australian troops had all the equipment, resources, and Liberal Party campaign materials they needed to “defeat Saddam Hussein’s army”.

He departed with a final expression of disappointment after commanders refused to approve his request to be tied to an aircraft propeller so that troops and media on the ground could witness his departure.

Photo: Tony Abbott re-enacts his heroics in Afghanistan for media assembled in Canberra’s parliament house car park.

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afghanistan     ALP     Boat People     Joe Hockey     Julia Gillard     muslims     Terrorism.     Tony Abbott