Advice Columnist Deborrah Cooper Coins New Word for Women Used and Gamed on in Intimate Relationships: Homance!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(Free-Press-Release.com) January 25, 2010 -- Not much new comes along in the dating and relationships field, but this week veteran dating expert, advice columnist and award-winning author Deborrah Cooper coined a new phrase sure to garner attention...homance. A brief definition of homance by Deborrah: "any relationship in which a woman is loving and supporting a man that is not loving and supporting her in return."

Asked for more detail, Deborrah responded with: "not one of the women I've observed in a 'homance'recognized that as the type of relationship she was in. Women are socialized to be supportive of the man they love, to help him, to guide him, and to sacrifice their own needs and wants to make his life easier.

In a 'homance' a woman is basically being pimped. A man is pimping her for what she can give him, whether it be money, sex, a child, assistance with his business, money on his books in prison, a place to stay rent-free, rides in her car that he doesn't buy gas to cover, or even a home cooked meal that he contributes nothing to. He is essentially taking advantage of her feelings for him to get as much as he can while giving little to nothing in return."

A letter submitted to the Ask Ms. HeartBeat dating advice column recently provided a real-life example of 'homance' in action. Launched in 1997, AskHeartBeat.Com is the first and largest site on the web to focus specifically on Black male/female relationships.

"A reader submitted an advice question complaining that her boyfriend works long hours and when off from work, he wants to watch football or wrestling." Cooper stated.

"She isn't interested in any of that and wants to spend more time with him, but he does nothing to meet her needs for companionship and intimacy. He tells her that he can meet her needs, but his behavior is communicating something completely different. The writer concludes her letter by saying 'I have tried talking to him but he disagrees with me and feels it is just my opinion. Should I kick him to the curb and do I have to tell him or just quietly stop answering his calls?'"

Shaking her head, Deborrah explained: "I tell women all the time that they need to pay more attention to what men DO than to what they SAY. Talk is cheap. When a man's actions show that he really doesn't care, believe that. The guy the writer speaks of is showing that he is setting her up for a 'homance,' where she cares about and wants to be with him, but he is just there for the convenience and benefits he can glean from the situation."

Why would a woman put up with such mistreatment and inequality in a love relationship?

"Most women crave the fantasy of happily-ever-after and are hungry for commitment, romance, and attention from the man she loves" Deborrah added.

"Though her dating partner may be providing her with none of those things, she believes she has the power to change the frog into a Prince if she just loves a little more and gives a little more. A woman erroneously believes that if she meets all of his needs, he will give her what she craves – his attention and devotion. Yet, it never happens. A woman may find herself totally miserable in her relationship, yet she never gives up hope that her man will get a clue and finally give her what she needs. Women need to understand that a 'homance' is not a romance, it's just a waste of time. You can't MAKE someone love you; and you can't change a person unless they want to be changed."

Ms. Cooper details her theories on homance on the blog Living The Single Life: Surviving Dating, at http://www.survivingdating.com

Homance was also discussed recently on The Date Smarter Not Harder Relationships Talk Show (http://blogtalkradio.com/askheartbeat) which Deborrah Cooper produces and hosts. The program Romance, Bromance or Homance? aired on Saturday, January 23, 2010 at 6:00 p.m. Pacific. To listen to the show podcast log onto http://www.blogtalkradio.com/askheartbeat.

More information can be found online at http://http://www.blogtalkradio.com/askheartbeat/2010/01/24/romance-bromance-and-homance

advice     commitment     dating mistakes     dating tips     Deborrah Cooper     homance     love     relationships     romance