"Bin Laden attacked me behind cinema" Kennett. Former Premier Breaks Silence, claims to be target of terrorist plot.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(Free-Press-Release.com) October 19, 2010 -- Former Victoria Premier Jeff Kennett has added to claims that he was the target of at least two assassination attempts by revealing that in September 2008 he was involved in a 40 minute wrestling match with terrorist leader Osama bin Laden.

According to Kennett’s version of events the incident happened two days after the 2008 Grand Final when he was on his way home after fulfilling his obligations as President of the victorious Hawthorn Football Club.

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"Bin Laden attacked me behind cinema" Kennett. Former Premier Breaks Silence, claims to be target of terrorist plot.

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Kennett said he decided to wind down by seeing a film at the Rivoli Cinema in Camberwell where he watched the Will Ferrell classic ‘Step Brothers’, which Kennett described as a “moving documentary about the difficulties confronting mixed families.”

He said that bin Laden’s attempt on his life occurred as he was returning to his car.

“Bin Laden leapt on my back after hiding in a garbage skip in the car park behind Dan Murphy Cellars. He was wearing a turban, culottes, an al Qaeda tee shirt and had a dagger clenched between his teeth,” recalled Kennett.

The former Premier said that he wrestled with bin Laden in the car park for half an hour before the terrorist mastermind managed to spring free and run to Burke Road.

“I chased him across Camberwell Junction but every time I closed in on him he reached into his beard and pulled out a hand grenade. He pulled the pins out with his teeth and tossed them over his shoulder.”

Kennett believes that bin Laden targeted him because of his role in bringing the Formula One Grand Prix to Melbourne.

He also claims to have it on good authority that bin Laden will not rest until he eliminates Kennett or the Melbourne Grand Prix is moved to Khandahar in Afghanistan.

He could not explain why there were no witnesses to the 2008 incident, which occurred in one of the eastern suburbs' busiest intersections in daylight, except to say that on seeing bin Laden, the world's most wanted man, armed with a dagger and a beard laden with explosives most people must have run for cover.

Earlier this week Kennett told an interviewer that he had been the target of two previous assassination attempts.

He said that on one occasion he was at a country race meeting and while standing in the Moët & Chandon hospitality tent he heard a loud pop followed by a fizzing noise.

“I could tell that someone had fired a hand gun at me. People around me started reaching for glasses in an effort to protect themselves from shrapnel,” said Kennett.

The other attempt on his life, according to Kennett, occurred during the protests against his controversial decision to move the Grand Prix to Albert Park.

Kennett said that after finding himself at a loose end one day he ordered his driver to take him to Albert Park Lake so he could provoke some protestors.

After starting a chain saw and threatening to cut down 150 year old elm trees and tearing the head of a Barney the Dinosaur doll in an attempt to make some children cry the unmistakable noise of a bullet whistling past his ear caused him to stop in his tracks.

“I was a Scotch College cadet and as such am intimately familiar with the sounds of mortal combat. I knew immediately that it was a .303 calibre shell almost certainly fired by a right-handed woman wearing jeans and a white jumper, driving a black Honda CRV, and possibly with the initials KFC.”

“I was just millimetres from certain death,” said Kennett.

However Victoria Police has cast doubts on Kennett’s story.

When asked by journalists about the veracity of Kennett’s claims, Chief Commissioner Simon Overland rolled his eyes, twirled his fingers around his temples, and whistled the theme from The Three Stooges.

Kennett has called on the state government to launch in inquiry into the mysterious disappearance of the “hundreds of witnesses” who he alleged saw the attack.

He recently used his weekly column on the Hawthorn Football Club website to claim that the witnesses are being kept in a secret prison at the back of the home of the state member for Melbourne Bronwyn Pike, who before entering parliament played a key role in organising the Save Albert Park protests.

Ms. Pike did not return Vote Smart's calls.

Photo: Kennett – joins other international statesmen as target of al Qaeda kill plot

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