Fielding consults God on Senate tactics - Blocks Labor

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(Free-Press-Release.com) August 29, 2010 -- Fielding: "God told me to be vindictive".

Outgoing Victorian Senator Steven Fielding has told Vote Smart that his threat to oppose every piece of legislation that a possible Labor government introduces into the Senate is not a case of “bloody-minded malevolence” but a divine order received from God.

Fielding first outlined his divinely ordained parliamentary mission to a Friday afternoon witch burning ceremony at the Mount Olives Evangelical Half Wits Congregation in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs.

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Fielding consults God on Senate tactics - Blocks Labor

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Wearing the hat of Divine Power - a crown of thorns Homburg - Fielding told the crowd of 1,000 flaming torch waving Jesus enthusiasts that he had met with God at a Canberra restaurant on the preceding day.

Over some baked barramundi in an aioli dressing and a basket of communion wafers Fielding said the Creator had told him that during his last 8 months as a Senator Fielding was to destabilise secular government.

Fielding conceded that God had told him that Victorian voters had made a gross moral error in failing to re-elect him to the Senate and that the 99 per cent who had failed to place him first on the Senate ticket had entered polling booths under the influence of Satan.

Fielding also said that consistent with predictions in the Book of Revelations Satan had now taken the form of a red haired atheist in the body of an unmarried woman and that the ethical fate of the entire world now rested on his ability to ensure that the will of the voters, no matter how confusing, was usurped.

Known in Christian circles as “Mr. 0.8 per cent” – the proportion of first preference votes he received at the 2004 federal election – Fielding is regarded by many as a messiah blessed with infallible moral insights that mark him out as the leader of a vanguard movement for ending the 200 year separation of church and state.
Fielding himself has encouraged these views and over his six years as a Senator for Victoria has engaged in a series of stunts designed to prove his divinity.

In May 2005 Fielding was rescued from Lake Burley Griffin after he attempted to prove to then Minister for Foreign Affairs Alexander Downer that he could walk on water.

According to eye-witnesses Fielding, who was dressed in a white robe and Birkenstock sandals, made it 70 meters from shore when a Perspex platform placed centimetres below the lake’s surface snapped and sent Fielding, who cannot swim, tumbling into the water where he quickly sunk.

In August 2007 a Kingston fish and chip shop owner threatened to take Fielding to court for failing to pay a $30,000 bill for 15,000 pieces of grilled flake and 2 tonne of bread rolls.

The man claimed that Fielding had ordered the food for a Christian revivalist conference at nearby Manuka oval and that he and his staff were required to ferry the merchandise via a tunnel so that members of the crowd would believe Fielding had conjured the loaves and fishes himself.

Fielding eventually paid the bill but only after a Fyshwick wine merchant threatened to go public with a similar allegation concerning the supply of a dozen barrels of fruity lexia to the wedding of Fielding’s chief of staff, Henry Barrowe.

More legal troubles flared after a bizarre stunt in early August whereby Fielding attempted to express his opposition to same sex marriages by divorcing his wife and marring an Albanian short-horned mountain goat named ‘Gerty’.

As reported exclusively by Vote Smart, Gerty is now contesting the divorce and has made a claim against a substantial portion of Fielding’s estate, including future parliamentary superannuation entitlements (see http://www.votesmart.com.au/news/137-election-2010-senators-campaign-stunt-backfires)

Despite the controversy and another potential legal challenge in the form of a bid by Tony Abbott to prevent Fielding from infringing upon the Liberal Party’s motto “born to rule”, which the Opposition Leader has described as “intellectual property”, Fielding remains unrepentant.

“I have repented for all my sins, but I have no case to answer against those who would thwart the word of God and my divinely ordained mission to overturn the actions of those voters possessed by the devil. They will be saved. And I’m the man to do it!” he said.

Photo: Fielding returning from lunch with God.

For further information: truthwright@votesmart.com.au.
Phone: Dr Erstwhile Truthwright - 0451 950 394.

More information can be found online at http://www.votesmart.com.au

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