œIt's Your Fault. Wait, Is it?

February 25,2013

So long as the addict has someone else to blame, they can absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions. But the blame game only works when we allow it to work.

Is there anyone who hasn't heard our loved one (who is an addict) tell us that it's our fault? There are few among us that don't accept the words with acknowledgment, at least at first. But the truth is that we aren't at fault, most of the time, for the œwrongdoings of which we are accused.

Drug or alcohol addiction is a œblame game. So long as the addict has someone else to blame, they can absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions. But the blame game only works when we allow it to work.

Not accepting responsibility for something you didn't do is essential to letting the addict accept his or her behaviors. We never told them to try drugs or alcohol; that was their choice. We taught them, by example, to do the right things. We lived normal lives. But when a narcissist tells a co-dependent that they are to blame, the co-dependent doesn't want to œmuddy the waters and continue to walk on eggshells to avoid a confrontation. It's unhealthy for all involved. And we feel terrible about it.

There aren't many of us that like confrontation. We fear the backlash, the verbal (and sometimes physical) attacks, and the chaos that follows. We also fear that what we say might will cause the addict to do something harmful to themselves. What if¦ what if¦ what if???

The greatest motivator, for you to do the wrong thing, is fear. You fear as we all do, that your loved one will commit suicide if you don't do what they say. You fear that their drug dealer will cause them harm if you don't give them money. You fear that you will suffer harm directly if you question them. These are all real fears, but rarely are any of them realistic expectations.

When we acknowledge that fear is unfounded, we give them ownership of their actions. That is a true gift.

By letting your loved one accept responsibility for their choices, and giving them ownership of their recovery, you free yourself to find recovery of your own. It isn't your fault that they are an addict, and their recovery won't be your fault either.

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For over ten years, Florida Center for Recovery has offered a wide array of comprehensive treatment programs and services to those in need. Offering a unique blend of traditional and holistic methods, we provide our patients with the opportunity to develop life-management skills, relapse prevention techniques, and a better understanding of drug abuse and its harmful effects. Our treatment programs at Florida Center for Recovery are based on several components that are essential for every successful recovery:

Florida Center for Recovery “ Addiction Treatment Center: 1-800-960-5041

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Florida Center for Recovery

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MARK KILLAR

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