Judging A Relationship With A Loved One

February 27,2013

As human beings, we tend to judge others very quickly, yet have difficulty seeing our own behaviors. Or maybe the faults we see in others are so clear because we see it within ourselves as well...

Many people find it difficult to understand how I can have a relationship with my child when she isn't in good recovery. They judge my program work, and question my thoughts and statements because I have a level of tolerance. Maybe they're right.

As human beings, we tend to judge others very quickly, yet have difficulty seeing our own behaviors. We criticize others in the hopes that they won't see the faults in us. Or maybe the faults we see in others are so clear because we see it within ourselves as well.

Families of non-addicts judge the parents of addicts for their perception of poor parenting skills. Sometimes, people from œupscale areas blame others for having poor living situations, which bring about the addiction issues in their family; however, they fail to realize, or possibly accept, that there is more drug and alcohol abuse in wealthy families than in poor ones. It seems the wealthier you are, the less time you spend as a family, or at least that's what can happen. This can create a dysfunctional environment while the children are often left to their own devices. The consequence is that they find others who have been abusing mind-altering substances and offer to share with them.

As parents, siblings, or children, we don't want to accept addiction in a family member. Nobody wants a drug addict living around them. We wouldn't pick them as a friend, we don't want them as family. We're embarrassed, ashamed, and deny their problems. We feel guilt when we are asked how they are doing, as if it's our fault. We blame ourselves for working too much, or not seeing it sooner. But it doesn't matter, it still isn't our fault. It is who you know after all¦

Are there ever exceptions? Sure, I'm able to think of a few exceptions where it might be something a parent could be blamed for. But then again, I could find reasons why those reasons aren't valid. You might say that a child victim of sexual abuse by their father might justify substance abuse. And you could be right; or you could look at Elizabeth Smart, the woman who, as a young girl, was kidnapped, raped, impregnated twice with resulting live births, imprisoned for 12 years, and yet never turned to drugs or alcohol, who is now married and raising her children, using her experience to help others. She didn't allow herself to become a victim twice. And that's the choice we all have.

When we accept another without judging them, we are allowing them to be themselves, not who we think they should be. When their behaviors infringe on our ability to live a comfortable life, free from fear, then it is incumbent upon us to let them go, to send them off to a place outside of our home, and our life. We can't live a normal life if we let another destroy it. But they can make it a better place for everyone. That's their choice.

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Reach out to us. At Florida Center for Recovery, our licensed therapists and certified counselors are dedicated to help you or your loved one recover from drug or alcohol addiction. Our premier substance abuse treatment center provides unique programs to help patients recognize the origin of the problem that caused them to self-medicate. Learning how to deal with these problems results in facing situations, instead of avoiding them; this also reduces the chances of relapsing. For more information on receiving drug or alcohol addiction treatment, you may contact us for free consultation at:

Florida Center for Recovery “ Addiction Treatment Center: 1-800-960-5041

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MARK KILLAR

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