North Korean kimchi feud leads to changes at top. Cabbage war blows an ill wind in Pyongyang

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(Free-Press-Release.com) October 1, 2010 -- Pyongyang.

North Korea’s ailing leader Kim Jong-il has moved to prevent a feud over 200 year-old kimchi from spilling over into the political realm by removing two sons from the powerful Central Military Commission and replacing them with another son and a daughter.

South Korean intelligence reports obtained by Vote Smart’s Seoul bureau chief, Park An-ride, show that Kim recently replaced his sons Kim Tim-tam and Kim Tin-tin with his son Kim Tom-yum and daughter Kim Kard-ashian.

Experts say the leadership shuffle, the first in several decades, reflects growing concern among Kim’s leadership group at the effects of the family squabble that erupted after the discovery in January of the 200-year-old jar of kimchi, a spicy pickled cabbage that along with herring forms a staple of Korean cuisine.

The 69-year-old leader, who replaced his late father Kim Il-sung in 1994 is worried that the family legacy of mass starvation, the most efficient state-run torture network in the world, and international ostracism and ridicule could be at risk because of the increasingly fractious internecine squabble.

North Korea watchers say the dispute flared on 1 January this year when another daughter, Kim Jan-juc, discovered an old earthenware jar while burying two servants at the rear of the family’s Pyongyang compound.

Forensic examination by kimchi experts at the First People’s Cabbage Museum later revealed the jar to be an extremely rare blend of Colewort, Krautman, and Danish Ball Head cabbages produced by the House of Yi between the years 1797 and 1812.

Across the 38th parallel in affluent South Korea, House of Yi kimchi of this vintage can fetch as much as US$12,000 a kilogram.

But in North Korea a kilo sells for as high as two (working) kidneys, three children, two oxen and a turnip – more than the average North Korean earns in a lifetime.

The discovery of the rare delicacy triggered a vicious quarrel between the Kim children over ownership of the kimchi, with each arguing the jar had been found within the boundaries of their own respective private play cemeteries.

Matters turned violent in February when the jar was stolen from the crypt that contains the body of Kim Il-sung as well as the codes to Pyongyang’s nuclear arsenal.

Matters deteriorated further in March when a North Korean naval vessel commanded by Kim Tom-yum fired on a South Korean patrol boat, the Cheonan, after mistakenly believing it to be piloted by a second cousin, Kim Yo-yo, attempting to smuggle the kimchi to Seoul.

Forty-six South Korean sailors were killed in the incident, which an international panel has slated home to the North.

But officials in Pyongyang have refused to accept the charge, blaming instead “a cabal of South Korean running dogs, their imperialist Yankee overlords, and Justin Bieber.”

Kim is known to have an irrational fear of the international teenage pop sensation Bieber, believing the 16-year-old Canadian to the transvestite reincarnation of former South Korean strong man Syngman Rhee.

Known for his outlandish hairstyles, incessant whistling, addiction to pornography and fear of dwarfs, Kim was diagnosed with terminal tinea and creeping masturbatory blindness in 2006.

Since then he has become increasingly paranoid and determined to ensure the continuation of his family’s pre-eminent position in North Korean politics after his death.

However not every one is concerned about Kim or his political judgment.

Vote Smart's International Political Pariah Support Unit chief, Dr. Erstwhile Truthwright, met Kim and his father at a human slavery trade fair in 1983 and is the only Westerner to know the North Korean leader intimately.

Kim himself has listed Truthwright as one of a tiny group of his closest confidants.

Truthwright said that Kim was generally misunderstood in the West and that he was, “basically like any other ordinary bloke who enjoys starving his people and watching 12 hours of pornography a day.”

“He’s a really nice guy,” said Truthwright.

“Sure, he’s got a few weird ideas about the way of the world and there’s the issue with those little purple tree sprites that he imagines swarm around his head three times a day. And of course he thinks that cows are conspiring against him and that cheese causes baldness. But if you can get past his quirks he’s a very funny guy.”


For further information: truthwright@votesmart.com.au

More information can be found online at http://www.votesmart.com.au

diplomacy     global politics     Kim Il Sung     kimchi     masturbation     north korea     pickled cabbage     Pyongyang