Stages Parents Go Through When Their Child Is Addicted

February 11,2013

The real tragedy of addiction is that the victim usually experiences physical, mental, and emotional suffering before a crisis event. Almost like a day-by-day, slow painful death.

Stages Parents Go Through When Their Child Is Addicted

As a parent, you might believe your worst nightmare would be a 3 a.m. phone call, informing you that your child was killed in a car accident, or that someone brutally attacked them and they were sent to the hospital. While those events cannot be minimized, they also allow us to imagine the despair and fear that follow the discovery of knowing your son or daughter is addicted to drugs. After all, drugs are one of the leading killers of teens and young adults in our generation.

Drug abuse and addiction (including alcoholism, since alcohol is also a mind-altering substance) is a disease that slowly kills its victim overtime. The real tragedy of such an event is that the victim usually experiences physical, mental, and emotional suffering before a crisis event Almost like a day-by-day, slow painful death. It is something none of us would like to experience.

One of the key figures in a person's life, let alone an addict, is the parent or childhood guardian. There are stages a parent of an addict goes through. Let's take a look¦

The first thing most parents do is deny that it's true. œNot my child, is the most common response. œYou just don't understand them. They are going through a stage. They're fine¦ are the often-heard words when confronting a parent. And then, if the parent finds acceptance, their next step is to find a point of blame.

œIf I did things differently, they wouldn't be using drugs, is something we all say, if not to others, to ourselves. And then we ask the child if they are using drugs or alcohol. When they deny it, we're happy, because our child wouldn't lie to us, right? Drug addicts always tell you the truth, right? Exactly.

Next, we consume ourselves with œhealing them. We fear for their safety, we give them money on the promise to stop using drugs, we pay their tickets, and if they get arrested, bail them out.

We avoid talking with our friends to avoid the shame of an addicted child. Soon we begin to cocoon, or stay within the confines of our home. We feel guilty for not seeing it sooner. We believe we failed as a parent.

Stop thinking it, it really isn't true in most cases. And where parents do fail, many kids don't turn to drugs and alcohol. We really aren't to blame.

If we're really lucky and smart, we seek help from a group of others who understand our plight. Groups like Al-anon and Families Anonymous are comprised of people just like us, people who are good people, doing the right things, living proper lives, with kids that screwed up and started using drugs. Maybe at first, it was recreational, perhaps just peer-pressure, but they crossed the line without knowing it, and they became addicted. And now they are stuck fixing themselves. And so are we. We fight to find a cure for their problem, and spend every last dime to fix them. And in the end, we realize it is up to them to want to get better. We can only do so much, and the rest is all on them.

Once you begin to work a program for yourself, you'll see that the more you do to help your child, the more harm you are generally causing. When you let go and step out of the way of them finding their recovery, you give yourself a chance to find your own recovery.

I often said that while I couldn't stop my daughter from riding the roller-coaster of her journey, I could certainly pay for her ticket, and stop buying myself tickets. It isn't easy, and it doesn't happen overnight. Your journey, like your child's, like my own, is uncharted, but with enough time and dedication to your own recovery, you'll be okay.

Once you are willing to listen to others who understand recovery, your life will begin to heal. You'll cease blaming yourself, you'll accept your own powerlessness over others, and you might find improvements in every part of your life. But you have to start with one step: the one that takes you over the threshold of the meeting room. Don't do it alone.

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When a person suffers from a severe case of drug or alcohol addiction, the best method of treatment is seeking professional help at an addiction treatment facility. Licensed therapists and counselors are trained to conduct effective treatment for various kinds of addictions, as well as mental health issues and those suffering from psychological distress. For additional information on drug abuse and addiction treatment services, you may reach us at:

Florida Center for Recovery “ Addiction Treatment Center: 1-800-960-5041 MyFloridaCenterforRecovery.com Â©

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MARK KILLAR

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