Lifeline of Paris Hilton and scenerio of her impending reform
June 16, 2007 (Press Release) --
The last 8 or 9 abandoned years of Paris Hilton's life have entertained, offended, and distracted us from more sober issues we would just as soon ignore. But where can she go from here?
Here is a brief compilation of her life accomplishments: (If you are unable to view this file click here)
There is some talk that she has reformed her ways, that her 12x8 concrete home has taught her to respect the law. Part of me hopes this is true. Jail is hard. It forces one to reevaluate priorities. She is bound to come out a changed person. That's good for her but what about us?
Who can fill the dumb blonde void? What skinny skanky bimbo can replace her? How will the news fill a half hour without her?
Our economy thrives on her. Think of the poor paparazzi, the tabloids, the teaming masses of impressionable teenage girls, not to mention the great unwashed horde awaiting the sequel to One Night in Paris. Without Paris hundreds of low life, bottom feeding, scandal scouring reporters might have to find real jobs. Teenage girls might find a worthy idol, and men... well men wont change.
And what about the logistics? Her posters are plastered on too many high school locker doors. Her pictures and videos spin around on too many hard drives. Who's gonna clean all this up?
Consider the possibilities if Paris Hilton reforms. Paparazzi have nothing to photograph. Newspapers and magazines everywhere see drop in subscriptions. New York Times is first to announce bankruptcy. Americans, feeling stressed because there is no Paris Hilton to mock, loose confidence in the market. Stock market crashes. Planes fall from the sky. Civil war. Anarchy. All because Paris Hilton went straight.
Paris never change. It's just not fair to the rest of us. We need you just the way you are!
This story was brought to you by Poodwaddle.com
Here is a brief compilation of her life accomplishments: (If you are unable to view this file click here)
There is some talk that she has reformed her ways, that her 12x8 concrete home has taught her to respect the law. Part of me hopes this is true. Jail is hard. It forces one to reevaluate priorities. She is bound to come out a changed person. That's good for her but what about us?
Who can fill the dumb blonde void? What skinny skanky bimbo can replace her? How will the news fill a half hour without her?
Our economy thrives on her. Think of the poor paparazzi, the tabloids, the teaming masses of impressionable teenage girls, not to mention the great unwashed horde awaiting the sequel to One Night in Paris. Without Paris hundreds of low life, bottom feeding, scandal scouring reporters might have to find real jobs. Teenage girls might find a worthy idol, and men... well men wont change.
And what about the logistics? Her posters are plastered on too many high school locker doors. Her pictures and videos spin around on too many hard drives. Who's gonna clean all this up?
Consider the possibilities if Paris Hilton reforms. Paparazzi have nothing to photograph. Newspapers and magazines everywhere see drop in subscriptions. New York Times is first to announce bankruptcy. Americans, feeling stressed because there is no Paris Hilton to mock, loose confidence in the market. Stock market crashes. Planes fall from the sky. Civil war. Anarchy. All because Paris Hilton went straight.
Paris never change. It's just not fair to the rest of us. We need you just the way you are!
This story was brought to you by Poodwaddle.com
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