Got those Holiday Blues? You’re not alone! Many of us in the LGBT community struggle with sadness and depression during this time of year. Some practical advice...
United States of America (Press Release) December 13, 2007 --
One of the roughest times of the year for a psychologist is Christmas. It’s made rougher for a college counselor like me because it is also final exam time. So here at Barry there are a lot of stressed folks trying to study, finish (or start!) term papers, shop, plan trips home, all the while listening to incessantly cheerful elves and gnomes wishing them a Merry Christmas.
Christmas (even to non-Christians and even to pagans) is an incredibly hyped up time of year. It lasts from Thanksgiving until New Years Day. If we were house flies we’d die of old age before “The Holidays” were ever over! So, if folks feel stressed or out of sorts and grumpy, it’s natural. And in most cases it will pass. Exams will end, deadlines will pass, Christmas and New Years will arrive and we will have survived. Stress (sometimes with help) can be managed.
Sad, however, is another matter. While, contrary to myth, Christmas time does not have the most suicides (springtime does – but that’s for another column), it is a time of heightened emotions. Happy people are happier and sad people are sadder. And one of the most common roots of the sadness has to do with the two central foci of the Holidays: family and children. Whether you watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” or Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol” or go to the mall or hum Christmas carols to yourself it’s all about “being home for the holidays” or paying homage to Santa Claus. Most of us adults, when we talk fondly of Christmas refer to the Christmas’ of our youth. In fact, in order to really enjoy the day we have to become little children again.
Sad happens when you are far from your family, whether it’s physical distance or psychological distance or both. Sad happens when your everyday problems are so adult-sized that you cannot become a little child, even for one day. A lot of gay kids have been kicked out of their homes by rejecting families. They have been forced to live from day to day as they struggle to survive. Many gay adults find that they are ostracized and not welcome around their families’ holiday tables. Some are welcome but must leave their partner behind. Some folks find themselves alone in South Florida because they are too far from family and cherished old friends. And then some older gay adults have outlived most, if not all, of their significant others – friends, family, partners. Christmas ‘sads’ comes in many packages but with none wrapped in pretty paper.
One option for the Holiday ‘sads’ is to get into bed as early in December as possible and not to emerge until the first dawn of 2008. If grizzlies can do it, why can’t people? Another option is to defiantly make your self a cheese sandwich on Christmas day and watch reruns of The Golden Girls all day. With any luck you will miss the Christmas episodes. Chinese restaurants are almost always open. Go and carb-load on lo mein. There are many, many deliciously empty ways to fight Christmas. Unfortunately, they probably won’t work. Christmas is stronger than you are, Folks!
So, what to do? It seems the only logical thing to do is to give in to the whole damn thing. Resign yourself that the only way you are going to get through the next month is to jump into it. Once upon a time someone(s) made Christmas for you. Well, now make it for someone else. There is research evidence to support the “Do Good – Feel Good” approach to emotions. If you wait to feel generous, you may never give anything. But if you do the behavior first, no matter how you feel the emotion often follows! So practically speaking, pick someone or some ones from one of the groups I mentioned above and make Christmas for them – even if you are a member of one of those marginalized groups and are feeling pretty crappy right now. No family around? Make a family. Join a family. Spend Christmas at Pridelines or the GLBT in Ft Lauderdale. Go to a shelter. Adopt a pet. Look around at work or your neighborhood. Find a hospice or a hospital to visit. GET OFF YOUR DUFF AND DO SOMETHING CORNY!!! Christmas is about being corny. Do Good and you will Feel Good. It’s not me talking; it’s your research dollars at work.
Christmas (even to non-Christians and even to pagans) is an incredibly hyped up time of year. It lasts from Thanksgiving until New Years Day. If we were house flies we’d die of old age before “The Holidays” were ever over! So, if folks feel stressed or out of sorts and grumpy, it’s natural. And in most cases it will pass. Exams will end, deadlines will pass, Christmas and New Years will arrive and we will have survived. Stress (sometimes with help) can be managed.
Sad, however, is another matter. While, contrary to myth, Christmas time does not have the most suicides (springtime does – but that’s for another column), it is a time of heightened emotions. Happy people are happier and sad people are sadder. And one of the most common roots of the sadness has to do with the two central foci of the Holidays: family and children. Whether you watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” or Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol” or go to the mall or hum Christmas carols to yourself it’s all about “being home for the holidays” or paying homage to Santa Claus. Most of us adults, when we talk fondly of Christmas refer to the Christmas’ of our youth. In fact, in order to really enjoy the day we have to become little children again.
Sad happens when you are far from your family, whether it’s physical distance or psychological distance or both. Sad happens when your everyday problems are so adult-sized that you cannot become a little child, even for one day. A lot of gay kids have been kicked out of their homes by rejecting families. They have been forced to live from day to day as they struggle to survive. Many gay adults find that they are ostracized and not welcome around their families’ holiday tables. Some are welcome but must leave their partner behind. Some folks find themselves alone in South Florida because they are too far from family and cherished old friends. And then some older gay adults have outlived most, if not all, of their significant others – friends, family, partners. Christmas ‘sads’ comes in many packages but with none wrapped in pretty paper.
One option for the Holiday ‘sads’ is to get into bed as early in December as possible and not to emerge until the first dawn of 2008. If grizzlies can do it, why can’t people? Another option is to defiantly make your self a cheese sandwich on Christmas day and watch reruns of The Golden Girls all day. With any luck you will miss the Christmas episodes. Chinese restaurants are almost always open. Go and carb-load on lo mein. There are many, many deliciously empty ways to fight Christmas. Unfortunately, they probably won’t work. Christmas is stronger than you are, Folks!
So, what to do? It seems the only logical thing to do is to give in to the whole damn thing. Resign yourself that the only way you are going to get through the next month is to jump into it. Once upon a time someone(s) made Christmas for you. Well, now make it for someone else. There is research evidence to support the “Do Good – Feel Good” approach to emotions. If you wait to feel generous, you may never give anything. But if you do the behavior first, no matter how you feel the emotion often follows! So practically speaking, pick someone or some ones from one of the groups I mentioned above and make Christmas for them – even if you are a member of one of those marginalized groups and are feeling pretty crappy right now. No family around? Make a family. Join a family. Spend Christmas at Pridelines or the GLBT in Ft Lauderdale. Go to a shelter. Adopt a pet. Look around at work or your neighborhood. Find a hospice or a hospital to visit. GET OFF YOUR DUFF AND DO SOMETHING CORNY!!! Christmas is about being corny. Do Good and you will Feel Good. It’s not me talking; it’s your research dollars at work.
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